Journey to becoming "God's Princess"

           "Many are the plans in a person's heart,

            but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."

                                  Proverbs 19:21 (NIV)

  I have spent most my life, trying my best to be thoughtful of others. It wasn't just that I am kind hearted, it was more a deep desire to be liked by everyone and perceived as nearly perfect. I did everything any other wife, mother, and friend does, but I needed to do it all alone and with 110% effort. I saw this as what it takes to be loved. I never loved myself and felt being perfect at everything I attempted would gain me enough love and admiration from others that eventually I might maybe love myself. Along with this need, I carried many mental health issues. I hid them all behind a plastered on smile and a patient demeanor. Outside I was thriving, inside I was dead. This way of living is dangerously unhealthy.

  God stopped my plans and began working on His purpose for my life through health issues. He put His plan into place one illness at a time until finally one doctor looked me dead in the eyes and said "It is not possible for one person to have this many things wrong with them."  I was speechless which didn't matter because he had already turned and exited the room! I had not diagnosed myself with all the health issues, the doctors had done that. I hated how sick I felt. My life continued on this way for many years until eventually I was unable to do much work of any kind and ended up on disability. 

 May 19, 2026, my birthday, God's will for my life started to unfold. My daughter, who is and always will be one of my greatest accomplishments, gave me a beautiful, large hand bag. She knew it was perfect for me because I take the entire house with me wherever I go. Then my daughter-in-law, who is a huge blessing to our family and an extraordinary mother to two of my three favorite people, gifted me a book entitled "The Princess Within" by Serita Ann Jakes. I glanced through the forward and thought it sounded like a wonderful book. I set it aside and of course thanked her. I wasn't able to visit much with either of them because I was sick, very sick. Eight days prior is when I found the tick embedded in behind my knee. Seven days prior, I had started taking Doxycycline to combat any possible Lyme disease. By the day of my birthday, I was barely walking and I was assuming it was just dystonia and fibromyalgia flare ups. 

  May 26, 2026, God started His work. He was ready for me to become "God's Princess." The week between my birthday and the 26th, I grew sicker by the day until finally my body began literally choking the life out of me. My will would soon be overcome by God's. He was ready for "God's Princess" to be born. Little did I know that God was going to shake me and break me, just to make me. I thank God everyday for the hellish ordeal I endured totally because I'm stubborn and wouldn't listen to Him calling.