When God Steps In

            When God steps in, you listen.

    In my last post, I touched some on my most recent health crisis. Throughout all my stories there is one constant, my poor health. For whatever reason, God seems to use my health as a way of getting through to me. While I am generally considered in decent health, I live in severe pain and fatigue. This comes from a combination of mental and physical illnesses that play off each other and make some days feel like living in hell. When I arrived home from the hospital just over a week ago now, I was grateful just to be alive and at home with my family. I was feeling real joy and happiness even though my body was still physically drained. Slowly I feel the pain, fatigue, anxiety, and depression trying to steal my happiness once again. 

    When I awoke in the hospital, four days and two hours away from where I last remember laying down, I was extremely confused by what was going on. From what I have read of the doctor's notes and what my family has told me, I was for the most part unresponsive and speaking only in fragments that to those around me made no sense. For me however, it all makes perfect sense. The fragments I was speaking out loud were part of a "game" of sorts I was experiencing. In my mind, I was wide awake and trying to follow very specific instructions on winning "the ultimate prize." Looking back now I see the ultimate prize as the fact I have been given another chance to get life correct. I believe this to be my third chance and hopefully not my last. I am human and make many mistakes. I am trying hard this time but know I definitely will always need God's help and guidance. This last time I thought I was getting life right, but God needed a little time with me to correct a few wrongs I was making. 

    I have told only my ex-husband some of what was going on while I was unresponsive for four days and want to share just a small part with you. Part of the lessons I was learning from God, dealt with my family and what He expected of me in that area. I feel family is of great importance to God. The biggest lesson on my family was that I had three wonderful children to always stay focused on to keep me grounded no matter what the circumstances of my life. When I feel lost I can recenter by focusing on my three children. Another lesson to do with my family, was the importance of my ex-husband in my life. Family was front and center and of great importance during this instruction time. Next I was shown a little about my fear and anxiety and how that personal battle has affected my life. God desires for us to understand that while being good to others is important, ultimately what they say or think about us is of little value. He is the only being whose judgement should shape what we do or how we behave. I had to also learn that it is perfectly okay to have a little fun in life. Life doesn't always have to be a serious event. 

    During my time with God, another huge thing He impressed upon my heart was the importance of John 3:16-21. Knowing these verses was extremely important to winning the "game." It was okay to ask for help to get the parts I couldn't remember. I was to write it down so if I forgot parts of it, I would have it with me available to focus on. Along with John 3:16-21 was the book of Matthew. Matthew was also of great importance. One of the last lessons He impressed upon me was that of always keeping a promise. Your word is of great importance to God. 

    I understand that severe pain, anxiety, and depression will probably be a battle I fight for the rest of my life. However, I now feel a little better equipped to handle them. Since returning home, I have written down John 3:16-21 and carry it in my purse to revisit in hard times. I have also read and reread Matthew. I see how it fits into my life. I know keeping my word is important to God. I know without a doubt my family is always here for support and is my most valuable treasure on earth. Are these lessons that all of us need to hear about and learn? Probably not, we each have unique lessons to learn. I believe sharing those lessons with each other is important. In sharing our experiences, we help each other. Whether it is by keeping us focused on what we already know or by introducing us to new ideas, God desires us to help each other. We aren't made to travel this life alone. 

                                    May the peace of God 

                                      be with you always,

                                              Christie 

                                        "God's Princess"