"I tell you the truth, we speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen but still you people do not accept our testimony."
John 3:11 (NIV)
We serve an awesome God. He does and always will watch over you. This is a small part of my testimony...
God directed me to John 3. I have been reading and pondering on the chapter. This verse, John 3:11, stood out to me. God wants us to share our stories of how He works in our lives.
Also, on the page to the left of John 3, in my NIV study Bible, was the story of Jairus' daughter. The way I understand the story, Jairus was with Jesus when he found out about his daughter's death. Jesus told the people, "Don't be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed." The law at the time forbid touching of the dead, but Jesus was not worried about it and "did not hesitate to make himself unclean for the sake of another." he touched her and told her to get up and she was brought back from the dead. The story summary goes on to say, "could she ever doubt again that her life had great worth in his eyes?" I believe God helped me choose Verse #7 because He wants me to talk to you about a part of my life that still stings a little. I believe He also showed me the sentence "could she ever doubt again that her life had great worth in his eyes?" so that I would be open and honest about how I have felt about myself for around 40 years. I also believe He wants me, as well as everyone else, to understand His children are always very valuable to Him.
TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️
What follows might be triggering for some so please contact the number below or reach out to a trusted friend or myself at cholley.ch@gmail.com. Please put"God's Princess"-help in the subject line so I know to open and read it quickly. I am not a licensed therapist, just someone who understands and will listen.
1-800-656-4673 Sexual assault hotline
988, Suicide Prevention Hotline
Looks like you can call or text them. It is however you feel comfortable communicating.❤️
There are two subjects God is placing in my heart to talk to you about. First, the importance of knowing your worth to Him. Second, how important it is to share your stories and testify to spread the good news that we serve an amazing God.
Many years ago, I had the privilege of meeting some wonderful women who without knowing, helped me through a very rough storm. I may talk about that another time. These women were a part of the Bible study group I had joined. I was speaking with one of the ladies one night about God and my personal journey. She said something to me I have not forgotten in over 20 years. She said when we accept God into our lives, satan loses some of His power over us and this angers him. Sometimes when God feels the battle for good versus evil is too strong for us, He will "back off" until He believes we are strong enough to handle it. I agree with this statement one hundred percent. It makes sense of my lifelong spiritual journey with God.
When I was 16 years old I began really hating my very existence. I had been sexually assaulted at age 14 and two years later was still refusing to think, talk, or tell anyone about it. Self harm became my release. I believed I deserved to be punished for how terrible I was. Something happens after you feel the pain of the cut and then see the blood flowing out. It is like every ounce of guilt, shame, pain comes out with the blood and a calmness instantly comes over you. It is a temporary calmness that once it is gone, you desire more of. It becomes as addicting as any drug.
Not long before turning 18, I cut so deeply that I had to get help and stitches. Before "coming to" from the calm, almost trance like, state of mind frame, I apparently made writings in my own blood. When reading those writings later, I realized how angry I was with God for abandoning me and letting me get hurt emotionally so badly at such a young age. I stopped "feeling" God's presence in my life around that timeframe. Fast forward many years later, and I'm in Bible study asking God to come back into my heart. He did come back when I asked but as He showed me the other day, I've been "walking the line" with one foot on His path and the other still following my own desires. God will and does do miraculous things in our lives but we have to be willing to give credit where credit is due...to God not ourselves.
The other part of what I need to discuss is knowing your value in God's eyes. Just like us, as a parent, God cares deeply for us. The same way we do our own children. He hurts when we hurt. He cries every teardrop with us. I love the verse "Jesus wept." God feels everything we do but stronger. When our children hurt, it breaks our hearts as parents. Why wouldn't God feel the same way, probably even moreso, about us? I'm really good at giving advice, but horrible at following it. I need to work on this second part also. I have felt of no value for well over thirty five years.
So I challenge you, as well as myself, to understand how God values you and value yourself the same way. Don't be afraid to tell of the good work God has done in your life. It's hard, but someone, somewhere, might need hope and the good news that God really does save lives.
May the love of God be with you
today and every day,
Christie
"God's Princess"
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