Walking the Line
God has placed it in my heart for two days now to write something under the title of "Walking the Line." At first I thought I was supposed to tell you how I have been "Walking the Line" all my life. One foot on the side of God and the other foot on the line. Sometimes that foot went to my side and my will. Sometimes that foot went to God's side and His will. Really, it mostly rested sideways across the line. Half in God's will. Half in my will. I thought I was doing pretty good because I had three fourths of both feet on God's side. That is not how God desires it to be.
I am one hundred percent the type of person who wears their heart on their sleeve but my heart has also had an invisible lock on it for almost forty years. So yes, my heart is laid out there, to feel other people's emotions and pain. Laid out there, so I appear as somewhat of a basket case sometimes because I get my feelings hurt easily. In the last forty years though, no one has truly been able to fully access my heart, except God. Like I said before, you can fake a lot of things and fool a lot of people, but you can't fool God. It was not God's desire for me to write something titled "Walking the Line," He has been trying to warn me for days that I was still "Walking the Line."
Today when life wasn't going my way, I became that same hurt, angry, bitter, person with no hope to cling to. Then in a text to my mother, I typed...I QUIT. I meant it also. When it was crunch time, I caved under the pressure and forgot all my own advice. Not to long after that I realized that as soon as things get tough, the first thing I always do is quit. I was sitting and sulking, feeling sorry for myself when I felt the need to go reread what I've been writing, so I did. I have been as open and as honest as possible and everything I have said is meant to encourage people, but what I was saying didn't match up with how I was acting today.
Then a thought hit me, a good friend is always telling me to be gentle with myself. Pretty good advice. Today I wasn't being gentle with myself. Today I forgot baby steps are okay. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time... that's okay too. I just once again, true to the past me, went and did what I've been encouraging everyone else not to do... I quit!
Then another thought hit me. What if we have to keep quitting? I have been saying, don't quit, just don't quit...but what if I was wrong? After I quit, God whispered to my heart, "Thank you, now I can step back in." I had been trying to fight my way through another storm today but had forgotten to bring my shelter from the rain...God. I was stubbornly sticking that big toe back to my side. I had been trying to make my will happen all afternoon and forgot to just give it to God to handle. Not my will be done but your will be done, God.
Is there anyone out there like me? Anyone who needs reminded we need to quit from time to time and let God step in. I needed reminded today and I'm sure I will again in the not to far off future.That makes me human. I pray everyone remembers this week, it is okay to say I quit occasionally. That is when God is free to begin. Remember..."Be gentle with yourself," and watch that big toe!
May God bless you
today and every day,
Christie
"God's Princess"
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